Where Are My Pants?
by ErinMilne
Summary: Anger has been acting up, and his fellow emotions are at a loss about how to deal with it. At least, Sadness, Fear, and Disgust are. Joy's got a plan in mind that will hopefully cool her fiery little friend down. The question is, can she pull it off with minimal damage to herself - and Headquarters? Find out in this hilarious fanfic!
1. Chapter 1: An Idea Born

**First off, I'd like to extend gratitude to Ice-Cream-Pizza on Devinart, who drew the fan art that inspired this story. Also, a _huge_ thanks to Steveles for helping me edit this. Trust me, it used to be a lot different! And now, without further ado...**

The school day had just ended for the sixth graders of John Fremont Middle School, but for one young lady in particular - Riley Andersen - the day was going to be much longer, as her teacher had just assigned a whole chapter of history for the kids to read. Though Riley looked calm on the outside, her mind was in turmoil.

"Oh, that's just great!" yelled Anger. "We have a hockey game in two hours, and what does the teacher do?! She throws the book at us! This is insane!"

For once, Fear was in agreement with Anger on the subject. "We'll never finish all this homework in time for the game!" he cried, his ever-present mess of papers flying every which way. "We're gonna be up all night doing it, which will lead to sleep deprivation, which could lead to any number of diseases, disorders, and other issues-"

" _Will you shut up, Beanpole?!_ " Anger leaped at Fear, grabbing the emotion by the throat. "Has it ever occurred to you that _none of these scenarios you come up with ever happen?!_ " This was followed by quite a shower of profanities, which were so varied and colorful that even Joy was evidently surprised. She hadn't even been aware Anger knew that many curse words; granted, he did have his Curse Word Library, but she was still positive he had made at least a few of them up on the spot.

Disgust let out a huff. "Will you boys be quiet for once? I can't hear myself think!" Her little red friend, of course, ignored her. Joy and Sadness weren't really paying attention, either. They were busy at the console; as Riley headed out the door and towards her home, she felt melancholy - looking forward to the big game, but sad about her homework load at the same time. Since moving to San Francisco about a month ago, Riley's five little voices had become more used to working as a team, particularly Joy and Sadness. They were becoming fast friends, despite their past differences. In fact, many of the memories made nowadays were either yellow, blue, or some combination.

"I feel awful for Fear," moaned Sadness. "Anger might hurt him really bad. How many times has this happened in the past week?"

"Four, I think," recalled Joy. "I know, Sadness - Anger's really had a shorter fuse than usual lately. I just wish there was something we could do..."

"Yeah. Something."

The two worked in uncomfortable silence for a while (by which time, Fear had retreated to his hyperventilation closet, and Anger had focused his attention on the latest edition of _The Mind Reader):_ the tension in Headquarters was still palpable. Yet, in the back of her mind, Joy was beginning to develop an idea... an idea that would, hopefully, stop Anger in his tracks. In other words, a prank.

"Hey, uh, Sadness? It's Anger's turn for Dream Duty tonight, right?" Joy inquired innocently.

Sadness replied, "Disgust did Dream Duty last night, so... I guess."

"Good. Can I borrow a pair of socks from you?"

"I won't mind..." the teardrop began, then looked right at Joy and slowly blinked. "Why do you ask?"

"You'll see..." Joy snickered.


	2. Chapter 2: Emotional Quarters

Night had fallen upon the city of San Francisco. With the darkening of the sky over the city came the darkening of the expanse over the Mindscape, as Riley fell fast asleep. The emotions, sans Anger, piled into the little elevator that would take them to their apartments just below the main control room of Headquarters. Fear's prediction had come true, at least in part: it was much later than when they normally went into REM, but (as Joy pointed out) at least Riley had some time to recharge and relax before another big day tomorrow.

One by one, the emotions exited the elevator as the doors opened into their respective apartments. Joy's apartment was at the top of the stack, but she insisted on staying in the elevator. "I have something I need to do," she explained when Fear inquired about her motives. "Plus, why miss saying good night to the rest of Team Happy?"

Sadness's apartment was the next stop. Before the doors closed, Sadness raced at top speed (which was relatively slow compared to, say, Joy or Fear) to her dresser, giving the other emotions a nice look at her blue bedroom, with lots of cloud decor. What looked like a few of the latest tragic romance novels were stacked by the bed, where a fluffy white comforter and a tear-stained pillow were draped. Sadness soon returned with the socks. "I still don't know why you need these, but here you go," she sighed, handing them over to Joy. "Good night, everyone." The doors closed, and the emotions started downward once more.

Fear's apartment was the next stop. Everything about his space was organized: the metal-framed bed was neatly made (and an adorable teddy bear was propped up against the pillow), the drawers were clearly labeled, a page-a-day calendar sat on the nightstand. As Fear left the elevator, he said to his coworkers in an almost cheery manner, "Good night, sleep tight, and don't let anything bite!"

Disgust was the last to arrive at her apartment. Like Fear's, it was nearly spotless; unlike Fear's, the green-walled room was lavishly furnished, from the gossamer curtains draped around the four-poster bed to the lighted vanity, with its immense quantity of makeup containers. Disgust's parting message was, "See you in the morning," accompanied by a blown kiss.

It seemed Joy barely had time to blink before the doors of the elevator opened one more time to reveal Anger's apartment. Joy rarely found herself this far below the main control room, so she gazed around and took everything in as she stepped out of the elevator. Red walls, of course. A simple bed with rumpled sheets and burn marks on the headboard (that explained the late-night exclamations she occasionally heard: Anger was a dreamer). A smoke detector on the ceiling. A smashed alarm clock on the nightstand, with more in a trash can. And, draped carelessly over a chair, his clothing for the next day. Joy approached the pile of clothing, clutching the borrowed socks.

 _Wait a sec_ , Joy thought, _should I really be doing this? Anger might not take it as lightly as I hoped he would._ Almost as soon as that though had passed through her head, she shook it off with a shake of her head and a grin. "Anger really needs to calm down," she whispered aloud. "If this doesn't work, I'll just keep trying." With that, she nabbed the pants from Anger's pile, replacing them with the socks. Then she raced back to the elevator and punched the yellow button. The doors closed, and the elevator began an ascent.

Joy's apartment was bright and colorful, with hand-painted posters for every episode of _Fairy Dream Adventure_ , a round braided rug with alternating circles of yellow and blue, and shelves of knickknacks covering the yellow walls. After hiding Anger's pants in her standing wardrobe (she only wore dresses, so she had no need for drawers), she Joy made a hop, skip, and jump into her own bed. With a contented sigh, she snuggled down under the sheets and custard-colored comforter and closed her eyes. Soon, she, too, had drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3: Who's The Thief?

Joy eased her eyes open. The clock on her wall read 7 AM. _Time for the usual morning lineup,_ she thought with a grin at her own reference. The emotion was almost a blur as she slipped on a fresh dress and slicked a comb through her bedhead. Once this activity was complete, Joy said aloud to herself, "Ooh, it's going to be another great day for Riley Andersen, I just know it!"

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened to reveal a yawning Sadness, Disgust at work with her makeup, and Fear sipping his tea. "Morning, Joy," the three emotions murmured in unison.

"Good morning, guys!" Joy sang out as she slipped into the elevator. "Are you ready for the best day of Riley's life?"

"You say that every morning," Disgust groaned. "Does my hair look okay?"

"Your hair looks fabulous," Joy assured Disgust. Then she noticed that, out of the colors crammed into the elevator, red was nonexistent. She asked aloud, "Hey, where's Anger?"

Fear explained through a yawn, "Dream Duty was more intense than usual last night, so he's sleeping in."

 _My plan is working perfectly!_ Joy thought as the doors closed. Of course, she still had her doubts, but nobody else had to know about this - not yet, anyway. The elevator began its ascent, music softly playing. An all-too-familiar jingle, but at this hour of the morning, nobody seemed to care. Joy actually had to admit, she found the tune rather catchy!

The doors opened to reveal the main control room. Joy raced out of the elevator and slid down the banister of the ramp that led to the floor, like she always did. Sadness dragged her feet down the ramp and headed straight for her locker. Fear's eyes were glued to his notepad as he muttered something about black widow spiders. And Disgust was making one final adjustment to her makeup.

"Everybody knows the plan, right?" Joy clarified. A varied chorus of positive responses greeted her, and the bright star happily joined Disgust at the console in order to pick out Riley's outfit for the day.

"Khakis and pink tee?" Joy suggested.

Disgust made a face like she was about to throw up. "Are you kidding me?" she gagged. "News flash: Riley is twelve. I thought we left pink in elementary school! Let's try that orange shirt. Riley looks stunning in orange."

Joy pressed some buttons, a green-yellow memory rolled in, and a little bell rang to signify a decision made. Joy smiled, proud of her handiwork.

Suddenly, Anger could be heard stomping down to the main floor from the elevator. Joy glanced over out of the corner of her eyes; the stocky red frame was clad in the usual shirt and tie.

And blue boxers.

With orange polka dots.

Joy could barely keep from laughing, but she noticed that Sadness didn't seem to notice or care about Anger's attire, continuing to flip through a Mind Manual. Fear nearly did a spit take, clearly (like Joy) restraining himself from a more profound reaction. Disgust sighed and shook her head, quipping, "Nice underwear. You finally decided that your usual outfit was too drab?"

"Oh, sure, laugh it up," Anger growled. "Apparently, _some_ one nabbed my pants last night while I was on Dream Duty. They left a stupid pair of socks instead!"

"Oh, really?" Joy pressed, doing her utmost to keep a straight face and look as innocent as possible. "Well, I wonder who it could be!" Sadness gave Joy a worried look, having already connected the dots.

"Boy, whenever I get my hands on that thief..." Anger threatened. He had no need to finish his sentence. The other emotions knew full well what would happen - and it would not be pretty.

"Come on, Anger," Joy urged. "It's not like that was your only pair of pants!"

Anger glared at Joy and snapped, "That's not the point! The point is, whoever did it had absolutely no right to do it. And they are going to _get it_!"

Anger approached Sadness first, but she didn't even have to blink before moaning, "Wasn't me."

"I was nowhere near your room last night!" Fear stammered as Anger started in his direction. "I was busy with Emergency Plan 85, you know it!"

Disgust scoffed, "Don't look at me. What would I do with your pants?"

Finally, Anger stomped over to Joy. She knew, if he nailed her for the crime, her great intentions would fly right out the window. She knew she had to keep Anger calm. "Look, this isn't _that_ big a deal," she explained. "Sure, someone took your pants last night. I'm sure they meant well. There's a thing called _forgive and forget_ , you know!"

The top of Anger's head began to steam as he clenched his teeth and his fists. Fear frantically gestured to Joy to shut her mouth, but she continued, "I, uh, don't know where your pants are. You might want to check your room again..."

"Fine," Anger spat. "If no one is confessing, I'm gonna search every one of your rooms!" With that, he stomped off and returned to the elevator. Once the doors closed, an uneasy silence pertained for a moment or two.

"Joy, you didn't do what I think you did, did you?" Sadness inquired softly.

Joy snickered, "Oh, I did. I only wanted to see if I could do something about Anger's outbursts."

"Good going, now he's mad at all of us," Disgust sighed.

"He's going to kill you if he figures out you did it!" Fear added.

Joy reminded her friends, "It's gonna work out in the end! I'm sure of it."

"I'm not," Sadness whispered.

A _ding_ signaled that the elevator had returned to the main room. The doors opened, and out stepped Anger, looking ready to explode.


	4. Chapter 4: The Chase Is ON

Anger's attention was directed specifically at Joy. His eyes narrowed as he stomped down the ramp, head steaming, pants clutched tightly in one hand. Joy felt her heart begin to pound as she backed up against the console, inadvertently triggering the Recall function. A golden memory flew into Headquarters and began to play: " _TripleDent Gum will make you smile -_ "

" _Shut up!_ " Anger bellowed at the memory as he hurled his pants at the golden sphere. The pants hit the memory, but did absolutely nothing to knock it out of the beam. Instead, they simply flopped to the floor. Joy raced over to them before any of the other emotions could blink and grabbed them by one leg. "Look, can't this wait until after we have Riley settled in at school or something? I mean, we have to be on duty all day. It's not as if there's a button on the console that freezes time whenever we want to goof off!"

"Y'know, maybe I should talk to the Mind Workers about that," Fear whispered to Sadness. "Sounds useful."

Anger, however, was far beyond reason at this point. Much too far beyond reason to listen to a word Joy was saying. "Give me back my pants _now_ ," he growled slowly and softly. Everyone knew what happened after Anger started speaking slowly and softly. Joy made eye contact with each of the other emotions, desperate for help.

Disgust simply shrugged, signifying _You're on your own, girlie._ Fear made not-so-subtle gestures towards the ramp, meaning _Scram while you still can!_ Sadness gestured in Anger's direction, suggesting _Talk to him._ Sadness's advice seemed like the best path to follow, so Joy cautiously approached Anger.

"Anger, listen to me," Joy began calmly. "Your outbursts are starting to get out of hand. You need to calm down. This is not something you should be this upset about..."

The top of Anger's head began to smoke. Suddenly Fear's advice seemed more prudent. Joy whirled around and ran, still clutching the stolen clothing tightly. She could hear Anger's footsteps behind her, the familiar crackle of flames from his head, and his shouted command: " _Come back here with my pants, woman!_ "

The exhilaration of the chase only urged Joy to move her feet faster. She could hear suggestions shouted from the others: "Make for the Mind Manual Library!" "Go up the ramp!" "Try the other side of the console!" Above all this din, Joy managed to hear the familiar chug-chug-chug of the Train of Thought.

The next part of her plan was set in motion.

Joy dashed into the alcove with the door where boxes were usually unloaded from the Train into Headquarters. As usual, a new box of daydreams and ideas had been unloaded. In exchange, the emotions were supposed to provide memories when there were too many on the Short-Term Memory shelves. A little rolling cart was filled to the brim with memories, mostly of a "Shoes Of Doom" marathon Riley had been watching with her parents. Joy shoved the pants into the cart, then rolled it out to the hatch. Just as Anger entered the scene, the train pulled away.

"All right, what did you do with my pants?" Anger demanded.

"I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about!" Joy snickered.

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about!" Anger snapped.

"Well, if we both know what you're talking about, why bother talking about it?" Joy mentally patted herself on the back for the dodge.

Anger glared at Joy for a few seconds more before the flames on his head died down. Muttering, he stomped away to the console. Joy pranced over herself.

"That was too close," Fear whispered to her.

"Just a bit," she snickered in response. It looked like Anger had learned his lesson. She'd known this would work!


	5. Chapter 5: The Phone Is Ringing

The emotions focused all of their energy on guiding their girl through the morning, from breakfast (Disgust leapt to action upon seeing the oatmeal Mom had prepared) to the walk to school (Sadness took control upon recalling their homework on the upstairs desk - once they were at the school gates) to homeroom (Joy lead the conversation with Riley's gal pals). Anger kept sending suspicious glances in Joy's direction, but said nothing about the pants. _The less said the better_ , Joy couldn't help thinking.

In the middle of math class, the phone near the Mind Manual Library rang. Joy left the other emotions in charge of guiding Riley through a pop quiz and went to answer it. "Headquarters, Joy speaking!" she chirped.

"Hi, ma'am, this is the Stationmaster of Stem Station, we found a pair of pants on the Train of Thought and thought they might belong to you folks in Headquarters..."

Joy could hardly keep from snickering. "I think they might be. It's a long story... Look, can you just send them up with any deliveries that'll be made in the near future? That'd be great!"

"Sure we can, you want me to just stick 'em in a daydream box or something?"

"How about ideas instead?" It was Anger's job to unload daydreams, and Joy figured there was too much of a chance of discovery if he was handing the box with the pants.

"Sounds good. Call if it doesn't come, gotcha?"

"Gotcha. Have a great day!" Joy hung up the phone and returned just in time to provide a burst of relief upon finishing the quiz.

"What was the call about, Joy?" Sadness asked innocently.

Joy scoffed, "Oh, nothing, just some delivery clarification. Nothing important."

"You say that about everything," Fear reminded her. "You want me to call and confirm?"

Joy shook her head. Fear would be really likely to tell Anger about the situation - that was the last thing she needed. "You can worry about it when it gets here with the deliveries tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay, I guess..." Fear didn't sound so sure of the decision Joy had made for him, but he quickly returned his attention to the screen.

The emotions continued throughout the day without much further incident, but Joy was lost in thought during moments where she wasn't needed. She still doubted her plan would work...

...but it would be a whole 24 hours before Anger saw his pants again. Plenty of time for him to cool down, right?


	6. Chapter 6: A Quiet Moment

"My turn for Dream Duty!" Joy announced once the memories had been filed away for the night.

"You sure you don't want me to take over?" Sadness asked. "You've had a busy day..."

"She's right, you know," Fear added. "What with the incident with..." He discreetly gestured towards Anger, who had taken his newspaper and was on his way to the elevator.

Joy shook her head. "It's cool. I hear Dream Productions is showing a sequel to _I Can Fly_ , and I wouldn't miss that one for the world!"

Disgust shook her head in disbelief. "Seriously?" she scoffed. "You want to watch _that_? _Haunted House In Winter Woods_ was better."

"Don't even talk about that one!" Fear retorted. "Seriously, that was scary! Well, we'll leave you alone, then. G'night, Joy!"

"See you all in the AM!" Joy called back as Disgust and Fear tromped up the stairs. Sadness started that way, but Joy could notice her pausing just before venturing up the ramp. Slowly, very slowly, the blue teardrop shuffled back to Joy's side.

"You took a big risk, with the pants and all," Sadness whispered.

Joy opened her mouth to contradict Sadness, but could not think of anything to say. For once, the star was speechless. Sadness was right, she realized. She'd had it coming to her. The trick had not gone as well as she'd hoped.

"I just wanted Anger to stop being so snappy over tiny things," Joy explained through a sigh. "I didn't think it would end up like that..."

"Oh, Joy," Sadness whispered as she placed a stubby blue hand on her friend's shoulder. "You did what you could. Your intentions are never wrong."

"Really? You think so?"

"Really."

There was a soft silence. "Want to watch the dream with me?" Joy eventually asked.

Sadness said nothing, but sat down on the couch.


	7. Chapter 7: Sunrise, Sunset

"Good morning, all!" Joy chirruped as the other emotions made their way down the ramp. "Excited?"

"No," Anger muttered.

"Not even a little?" Joy pressed.

"Sorry to burst your overly large bubble, but no."

"Oh, some on, Mister Grumpy-Pants!" Joy teased. At the mention of the word "pants", Fear's eyes widened until they were mostly whites, and Disgust performed a facepalm.

Sadness added, "Speaking of pants, did you ever find yours?"

Anger shook his head. "I completely forgot about the other pairs I had in my drawer. As much as I hate to admit it, Joy was right. I, uh..." Anger nervously rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly interested in the floor.

"It's okay to apologize, Anger," Sadness assured him, placing a blue hand on his arm. "All you need to say is, I'm sorry."

"What she said," Anger muttered before taking his place at the console. The other emotions quickly followed, but Fear grabbed Joy's arm before she could move.

"Are you sure he's sincere?" the nerve hissed, his grip ever tightening.

Joy shrugged, "Honestly? I'll take whatever I can get when Anger is involved. It's been a day. He's had time to cool off."

"Well, I just hope you're right..." Fear muttered before returning to the console. Joy trotted after him, silently thinking the exact same thing.

* * *

The familiar chugging of the Train of Thought interrupted the hustle and bustle of the emotions' before-school routines. Joy left Disgust to pick a cute outfit for Riley and headed for the enclave. Anger was already there, straining under the weight of the morning's delivery of daydreams. Joy grabbed the ideas, and headed for the shelves where they were kept. There, she ripped off the packing tape that held the box closed ad threw up the top flaps. Right there on top, Anger's pants stared back at her. _I'll find a quiet moment, then slip to Anger's room and put them back_ , she decided, grabbing the first idea she came across. _Oh, this one's for the Gifts section..._

* * *

By the time Riley's bedtime rolled around, the memory shelves were sagging under the weight of all the glowing balls. The emotions were sagging themselves. Sadness was practically asleep, Fear was relying solely on his fifth cup of tea that day to keep awake, and Disgust was fanning herself. Only Joy and Anger remained alert. The brick and the star only occasionally made eye contact, the latter pushing buttons and flipping levers whenever she deemed it necessary.

"What a day, am I right?" Joy said colloquially.

"You always say that," Anger growled back.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. To tell the truth, I kinda liked how normal today was after all the... ah... excitement yesterday, am I right?"

"You usually are. Were you trying to make a point or something?"

"I just thought you'd been acting too... harshly towards Fear. I mean, he doesn't really enjoy being used as your personal punching bag. I guess what I was trying to say was, you need to stop taking things so seriously."

"Maybe I do. Tell you what, I'll think about it."

"Sounds good to me." Joy turned away and pumped her fist in the air. _I knew this would work!_

The end.


End file.
